She Sees With Her Heart

She sees more with her heart than most of us see with our eyes.  When she was but 10 months old, we made a visit to the veterinarian ophthalmologist to have her lower lashes evaluated.  They were said to "turn in a bit."  Maybe, just maybe the lashes were spoken of for about two minutes of that visit.  Instead, we received the very unexpected news that she would go blind.  "How could that be?  She is only 10 months old," I said.  I was told her retinas were detaching, and though the vet could not tell me when it would happen, it was thought that she would definitely go blind.

I put my precious Gracie, a sweet little bichon frise, in the car with me and started for home.  After tears by me, tail wagging for her, I told her that I was going to show her everything I could in this world.  From that day forward, we always took the same route when we walked, so it would be familiar in the future.  I took her to the lake, showed her the geese, and let her hear them honk.   When she heard that sound in the future, I wanted her to know it was a goose.  When I threw her toy to play fetch, I always said, "Are you ready? Here it goes."  Then I would throw it in the same direction.

I also took her to two other ophthalmologists for second and third opinions, being told each time, that it was a "fluke thing" that had happened, possibly an inflammation inutero with her mother, or with her as a small puppy.  I remember no such inflammation.  However, it  had attacked her eyes, and yes, there was nothing to be done. 

During this time of anguish for me, Gracie continued to wag her tail and find absolutely nothing buy joy in her life.  And slowly but surely my precious girl did lose her eyesight.  Now at the age of three, I really don't think she sees much at all. Possibly shadows, but since she can't read an eye chart to us, we don't know how much she sees and how much she has compensated vision. When we take a walk, regardless of the route, she leads me, ever fearless of what lies ahead.  When a goose honks on the lake, she immediately runs to the dining room window and looks out on the lake. And yes, I know she sees those geese.  To this day, she fetches her toys down the same hallway, always following the "Are you ready? Here it goes" statement by me.  If I have told her once, I have told her a thousand times, "You can do it."   And she has proven, over and over and over again that she indeed can!

My Gracie humbles me everyday.  When she meets a new friend, she doesn't see the color of skin, Gracie only sees the person.  She doesn't see the outward appearance of the person, she only sees the beauty of that person, and feels the gentle touch she is given.  On her first excursion to the dog park, I reluctantly took her leash off and let her loose.  I stood and watched as she started to sniff the parameters of the acre of fenced land.   Then she picked up her pace and trotted to the center of the area.  When we had arrived at the park, there were only two other dogs there. By the time we left, there were seventeen dogs who had joined in the fun.  Gracie had greeted each dog and each human at the gate, as if it were her party and they were her invited guests.  And she played with all of them.

I have forgiven the "fluky thing" that caused this blindness.  I have forgiven the medical world for not being able to  fix it.  To not do so, would be a dishonor to the heart of my Gracie.  I will forever remember that first day in the dog park. and the tears in my eyes. when she came running across an acre of land toward me with her ears blowing back in the wind and the sun on her face. She was free!    And, I could oh so see that she sees with her heart.  If only the entire world did so!


This writing is in answer to my writing club, The Red Dress Club.  We were asked to write about forgivness.