This season of Lent, our church provided us with a small printed version of The Magnificat Lenten Companion. I challenged myself to read this daily and reflect on the passages and to read the suggested reflections from the Bible daily. I will say, most Lents of past, I would start out with really good intentions, but eventually other things in life would get in the way, and it would seem that I would put it down and possibly pick it up sparingly or maybe not at all. This Lent was different ... it was really different. I believe myself, and others, will always remember this as the Lent of the pandemic. Coronavirus of 2020.
With this pandemic comes isolation and closure of most things we find normal in our lives. It has given all of us a chance to quiet ourselves, to reflect, and to see things in a most different manner. While this has been maddening in some ways, it has been refreshing in many other ways.
I want to share the last paragraph of the Magnificat Lenten Companion. It truly was the very last part of the very last reflection, written by Father Gregory Pine. It reads:
“In His resurrection, Christ shows that He has left no stone unturned — no ruin unredeemed. He has suffered all loss for love of us. Though we have strayed, He has anguished in search for us. For He loves our destiny even more than we do, and He has gone before us to seek it out. So, while our search for Him continues, we rest assured that He has found us.”
So many people speak of their “aha” moment. That moment during prayer, reflection, daily life, traumatic experience when they have had that moment of intense connection with God, the Holy Spirit, a deep moment of connection. I have often been asked to describe my “aha” moment. I struggle mightily with this, as I honestly can’t recall a “aha” moment ... at least a moment that I would truly say was “aha”!!!
I found myself during this Lenten season, while I was doing my reflections, readings, and prayer daily, trying to feel that special moment. I admit readily that I don’t pray well. I probably do best reading scripture, spiritual books, brief reflections. I have always been envious of folks that say they can meditate, quiet themselves, and fill their rooms with prayer and solitude. I’ve tried. When I do this, I usually find my mind wandering to current events, news of the day. I’ve told myself not to despair, that even in my wandering reflection, God is speaking to me, but I find it very hard to believe that he is talking to me about Grey’s Anatomy or the last TV show I just watched. So, I’ve tried. I’ve had to abandon that approach. At least for now.
This Lent I did read, I read a lot. I watched the videos from Best Lent Ever by Matthew Kelly, and I journaled every day on their messages. Every day it seemed that these passages and reflections were specifically written for me and for all of us during this isolation of the pandemic. While I knew that these were recorded and written long before the pandemic even came into our lives, they reflected these times. Then the realization came to me, that God’s words apply to any and every moment in our lives. We can listen and read His words daily, and they will apply to every facet of our lives. Wow! How comforting is that to me now. I know I can pick up the Bible, a spiritual publication, or recite a specific prayer, and it will indeed speak to the very moment in my life.
While I prayed every day, I know I also prayed about the “aha” moment. What was it, when did it come, how could I have missed it?
Due to the isolation requirements, all of our liturgies during Lent and Holy Week were either via TV or life streamed on the internet. Thanks be to God for that luxury. I watched all of them, prayed alone in my living room, in pajamas most of the time. Good Friday service has always been one of my favorite to attend and participate in the service. I am in our choir at church, and this is the service when our particular choir provides the music. It is the most beautiful music we do all year. I admit it was really tough, really tough to watch this service in solitude this year. I retired to bed with a heavy heart, both for the current situation of our pandemic, and also for the sacred time of Good Friday.
I found myself awakened at 6:00 a.m. on Holy Saturday morning. Abruptly awakened as if an alarm had gone off, or someone had called my name to awaken me. Though I tried, sleep alluded me, and I finally got up, even while it was still dark outside. I heard the birds singing brightly and loudly outside, so I ventured on to my balcony. I sat in the darkness of the early morning and decided I would watch the sunrise. While I listened to the birds sing, the wind chimes make their music, and the soft purring of the wind, I found myself praying, but prayers of confusion. Prayers for the confusion of the redemption given to us by our Christ. Again I pondered that “aha” moment. I awaited the sunrise with confusion. I know of the redemption and the resurrection, but why am I so confused? I awaited the sunrise with prayers from my soul of confusion.
Easter Sunday, though spent in pandemic isolation, I celebrated. I celebrated with a Zoom meeting online with my family. It was good to see their faces and hear their voices even when hugs and kisses were not allowed. I hope we never forget our much we have missed hugs! Still we celebrated. He is risen!!!
So now I find myself on Monday, the Monday after Easter. There is one more reflection by Matthew Kelly challenging us to look at this past Lent and what we did correctly to prepare for Easter and what we could have done better. Again he mentions the “aha” moment. I actually write in my journal that I’m not sure I have had an “aha” moment, and if I did I missed it. How could I have missed my “aha” moment. Who does that?
I pick up my Magnificant Lenten Companion, and I realize in my celebrating of Easter yesterday, that I didn’t realize that there was an entry in the publication even on Easter Sunday. I had thought it ended and was completed at the completion of Lent. So this morning I read yesterday’s reflection.
“In His resurrection, Christ shows that He has left no stone unturned — no ruin unredeemed. He has suffered all loss for love of us. Though we have strayed, He has anguished in search for us. For He loves our destiny even more than we do, and He has gone before us to seek it out. So, while our search for Him continues, we rest assured that He has found us.”
I quietly cried in my solitude and isolation this morning. There it was right in front of me. My “aha” moment. Through all my efforts at prayer, all my efforts at seeing a bright glow, described by so many others, all my attempts at meditation, all my journaling, and most importantly my sitting alone on a balcony at 6:00 a.m. on Holy Saturday, awaiting the sunrise, awaiting the sunrise in confusion ... here is my “aha” moment. He loves my destiny even more than I do, and He has gone before me to seek it out. So, while my search for Him continues, I can be assured that He has already found me. He has already found me. Aha !!!!!!!!!!!
