Not Always The Real Story

The scale doesn’t always tell the story …

Gravitaphobia/Gravitophobia ! Have you ever heard of the word? I hadn’t either until I wanted to write this blog post regarding my fear of the scale. I googled, of course, to find out if there was a true phobia, and who knew? I find both of these words, actually in two separate articles, by the same author, Yoni Freedhoff, M.D. It is described in his article as the irrational fear of the scale and, therefore, avoidance of said scale. I may not be in that particular spot, but I am hovering along the edges. Maybe, mini-gravitaphobia! He speaks in his article of people that will not make eye contact with their bathroom scale, when they go into the room. I don’t have to worry about that. My scale is buried in my walk-in closet under my shoes. And for anyone who knows me, that would mean it can’t be easily or readily seen under my pile of shoes. It would probably take at least 2 hours to shovel it out, and think of all the exercise credit I would get for that maneuver? I think there may be another name for shoe addiction, but that is for another time!!

When I started my Wellness Journey, I of course, had to weigh in. Even though embarrassed by my weight, the first night was ever so easy to do so, as was the second week, the third week, and maybe even into the fourth week. But, I found as I progressed through my journey, I became more and more anxious. I was lucky enough to lose 5 pounds the first week, then 2, then 3, then 1.5. Even small increments were victories. But I found, as I progressed, I became more and more anxious each time I weighed, for fear that one weigh-in may show an increase. Any increase, any increment of an increase put the fear of disaster in my mind, and it hovered close to the skin like needles pricking each week. Our Health Educator, Brandon, often speaks to these scale numbers. He says over and over again that our bodies do very strange things, and that the number on the scale is simply put, just that!! A number on the scale. He reiterates over and over again that as long as we do what we are supposed to do, eat the healthy foods, the right combinations, exercise the way we should, drink a healthy portion of water, and get adequate sleep, that the number on the scale is simply a number. That number may go up, it may go down, it may go up again, but it will always correct itself, if we stay the course! I don’t know why this is so hard for me to embrace, but all I can say is that it is extremely hard for me. But, the scale doesn’t always tell the story …

I went 32 weeks in my journey, before I stepped on the scale and showed a gain. A “gain” … yes, a “gain” of … THREE-QUARTERS OF A POUND!!! Sounds miniscule, doesn’t it? I don’t like to get upset in front of people. It was ever so apparent by my facial expression that I was upset, and when others tried to talk with me, all I could say was “don’t be nice to me.” Trying to be nice anyway, they were, and well, it resulted in tears, and feelings of “oh my gosh, all this weight is coming back.” I was almost inconsolable. As much as my brain knew I was just fine, my heart was broken, I felt that ever fear of past failures, and to be quite honest, was really ticked off because I hadn’t done anything to gain anything!!!! But, the scale doesn’t always tell the story …

My wellness class is always on Monday night. That is the worst day in the week to weigh! I don’t “cheat” on the weekend, but let’s face it … my schedule is completely different on the weekend than it is Monday through Friday. During the work week, I exercise at the same time in the morning, eat breakfast at the same time, have my mid-morning snack at the same time, eat lunch at the same time, have my mid afternoon snack at the same time, exercise in the late afternoon at the same time, have dinner at the same time, and have my bedtime snack at the same time. Sound regimented. Well, yes it is!!!!! But on Saturday and Sunday, even though I eat the same foods, the times are different for everything. I often will not even start eating until later in the afternoon, and stop eating later at night. My sleep habits are completely different on the weekend. So Monday rolls around for weigh-in, and what should I expect? I expect to lose weight or stay the same, but that doesn’t always happen. Then, here comes the fear again. But, the scale doesn’t always tell the story …

Because of my fears, Brandon in his wisdom, asked me to do a little study for our class. He asked me to weigh myself for 4 days throughout a week, and to try to weigh myself every hour or so. I started on a Sunday, and weighed myself Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I tried to weigh as close to every hour as I could. I even had a scale in my office at work. What a roller coaster!!! I weighed upon awakening, before exercise, after exercise, before eating, after eating, and before bedtime. My weight fluctuated throughout any given day as much as 7 pounds. SEVEN POUNDS!!!! So, why in the world am I stressing over one-half pound, one pound, or whatever on any given Monday night? Another point, with this daily weight documentation, was what my weight did with stress. Brandon had told me, in particular, and the class as a whole on several occasions that cortisol can do crazy things with weight. My worry, fear, whatever you want to call it … was probably making my cortisol go nuts every Monday night!! Sure enough, on one of my days of weighing every hour, I was particulary stressed, so I purposefully weighed. I had weighed one hour before, and when I weighed during my stress time, I had GAINED THREE POUNDS!!! One hour later, it was right back down. Point proven! But, the scale doesn’t always tell the story …

Even though I have gotten braver, as I like to call it, with my weigh-ins, I still have my moments of dejection, fright, anger, grit my teeth, keep my mouth shut moments when I weigh. On my last weigh-in, I showed a TWO POUND “gain”. I looked at Brandon and said, “but I didn’t do anything.” His immediate response, “that’s why you shouldn’t be worried.” The right words, at the right time, with the right smile, and the right firmness. Just go sit down, Sharon!!!

I’ve said many times during this post … but, the scale doesn’t always tell the story. The scale certainly helps write the story, but here is the REAL story:

77 pounds lost!!! In mostly no bigger increments than 1.5 or 2 pounds per week. To quote another success story, “celebrate every quarter pound lost, but for those quarters, you wouldn’t be where you are today.” So I celebrate my 77 pounds lost!!

Completely off my cholesterol medication. I have a familial tendency for this, so I may not be able to maintain on my own without medication. But I celebrate that I was taking 20 mgs. of Lipitor daily, then 10 mgs., then 5 mgs., and now none!!!

I have reduced my blood pressure medication to one-half the original dosage, and may be tapered completely off of it in a few weeks. I celebrate that I am able to reduce and possibly stop this medication!

My exercise level has gone from ZERO to HIGH INTENSITY on several days each week and moderate exercise daily. I celebrate the new-found movement of my body. It is a beautiful feeling!

I feel younger than I have in years. I could choose to beat myself up for being unhealthy for so long, but I choose to celebrate my health and how I feel every morning when my feet hit the floor.

I look different ! I celebrate when people see me, who haven’t seen me in a while. I first get the stare of “I know I should know you.” Then I get the “oh my, I wouldn’t have known you.” I celebrate it is the same me, but I just look different. It’s the difference of looking healthy!! How beautiful is that?

I now can go to mostly any restaurant or any event and make an informed decision of the right choice. I celebrate the knowledge of this decision-making, but mostly the freedom that this knowledge affords me. My decisions are better today than they were yesterday. I celebrate my new found freedom!!

I feel braver and more competent in my skin. With each step, of each day, of each month, and now into more than a full year, I get braver with each “success.” I celebrate my bravery!!

And most importantly, when I started this journey and was asked why I wanted to join this program, my immediate response was, “I’m just so tired of going to bed every night and being so disappointed with myself.” I celebrate now when I lay head to pillow at night and I’m not disappointed with myself!! I’ve learned it is true, that you need to love yourself first! I celebrate that first!!!

So these are the real stories. The scale doesn’t always tell the story. It is a small part of a journey that I will be forever grateful to have taken and continue to take. I will forever celebrate and have gratitude to my support team and the folks that have taken this journey by my side. I love them all dearly. They are gifted by God and grace-filled, and they have shared their gifts and grace with me. I celebrate their grace!

My God put me in the right place, at the right time, with the right people. I lay head to pillow at night with no disappointment but with prayers of huge gratitude. That, my friends, is not only the real story, it is the ULTIMATE STORY!!