How Can I Help ...

How Can I Help …

March 30, 2005

When a person has lost a loved one friends immediately want to know “How can I help?”  I was certainly no exception to this rule.  My friends rallied around me from the minute my Mother died, and some even during her final 2 hours of life, and “kicked into gear.”  One of my friends even stated that my friends from work should start a Bereavement Committee; they were so on top of things.  I think friends want to help because in their way they are grieving with you.  Even if they didn’t know your loved one, they love you, and in this sense they grieve right along with you.  The morning of my Mother’s death, before I left to go to the hospital and certainly before I knew this would be the day it would happen, I walked into my kitchen to a sink full of dishes and a counter top that  if you didn’t know there was a counter top there, you wouldn’t have known.  I stood, surveyed the mess, thought about cleaning it up quickly, but then readily decided I was going on to the hospital because no one would be in my house that day!  Little did I know that by the end of that day over 30 people would be in my house.  By the grace of God, my friends came to my house within an hour of my Mother’s death, brought food, brought paper products, brought soft drinks, and while I left to go to the funeral home and church to make arrangements, they cleaned my house!   I'm sure crying along the way for me, as well.  This was one of the biggest blessings they could have done for me.  In addition to cleaning my house, one of my friends and his wife even sent a cleaning crew to my Mother’s house and thoroughly cleaned her house, even shampooing her carpets.  Unbeknown to me, Mother had been so ill the night before that her house and carpet were very soiled.  I don’t know what I would have done if the cleaning crew hadn’t come.  You see, my sister, her husband, and my niece were arriving at 11:00 p.m. that evening from New York, and their plans were to stay at Mother’s house.  Everyone’s help continued for several days and even weeks after my Mother’s death.  In a sense, I know their help will be life long because simply their presence in my life is a source of strength to me.  How blessed can one person be?

Reflection … Loving father you have given me so many blessings during my life, and I’ve always said one of my biggest blessings is the gift of my circle of friends.  I acknowledged my thanks to them during my  Mother’s eulogy, in your presence, and the celebration of life Mass for my Mother.  I ask that you continue to bless my friends with  peace, happiness, and health.  They are special souls, as you well know, but I feel the need to thank you again for this gift of kindred spirits and friendship.

This writing is an assignment for The Red Dress Club.  It is an answer to a challenge to describe myself without using adjectives.  My life is defined by my beautiful circle of friends.  This is but just one example of how important friends are in my life.  As you can see by the date of this writing, it has been six years since my Mother passed.  My same circle of friends love me today, and I return their love in full force.  I have, over these six years, helped them say goodbye to their parents.  I've sat with them during their sadness, cooked the food, but mostly have loved them and given them a shoulder to cry on, or an embrace to strengthen them.  Friendship is not just important to me, it is the heart of my core.