The Trap ... Unhealthy Trying to Be Healthy

For anyone who has been on a weight loss journey, it is not surprising to hear that the road is terrifying.  It contains mountains to surpass, potholes to dig ourselves out of, curves that throw of us off track, and straightaways that can loll us into wrong thinking and false security.  And, we occasionally reach that valley of relaxation and accomplishment.  While we can celebrate our accomplishment, and indeed we should, we can’t stay in the valley of relaxation and get too comfortable.   We need to forever be diligent in our thinking and our actions.   It is indeed a lifelong  journey!

When first starting my journey, I must say that it truly felt and worked quite seamlessly and easily.  I was on a very structured plan… a  plan that I did not need to really “think” about.  It was outlined specifically for me, and all I had to do was muster up my resolve to stay the course.   I thought obtaining that resolve would be the hardest part, but in reality, it turned out to be the easiest part of my journey.  My resolve came quickly, as I saw the pounds melt away on a weekly basis.  I believe I lost 5 pounds the first week, and subsequent  weeks lost between 1 to 3 pounds weekly.  The key word is “lost.”   As long as I lost weekly, my resolve was good to go!!!!  That’s why the resolve was the easiest part.

As with every journey, you cannot stay in one place forever;   as it is with my diet plan.  At this point, I will not refer again to my “diet plan.”  I actually early in this journey stopped using the word “diet.”  If I learned anything early on, it is that it is so much more than a “diet.”  It is a “wellness” journey.  My wellness journey!  Not staying in one place forever,  I soon found was the hardest and most challenging part of this process.

Since I had had great success with my Phase 1 journey, I was so reluctant to move to Phase 2 of my journey.  Phase  1 was so very structured, no “thinking” on my part, just “doing.”  Now I found myself in the first curve of the road;   the curve of trying to ease my way into Phase 2.  This phase required me to  branch out a bit, and to start introducing certain food groups back into a healthy balance.   This was so scary, since I saw a lot of those foods as the very ones that caused issues with me in the past.  What I had to learn was that it wasn’t the food group that was the issue …  it was the volume and the balance of that food group.   One of my favorite stories with regard to balance and what I could and could not eat,  was when I asked my health educator if I could have garbanzo beans on my salad.  His reply, “Sharon, it was not the garbanzo beans that brought you to me in the first place.”   How true!!!   That is now my mantra when deciding about a food group, the amount of said food group, and the balance it has in my overall diet, “It was not the garbanzo beans…”

If I have learned anything through this journey, I would have to say the biggest revelation is the uniqueness of the human body.  What it does and doesn’t do is mind boggling.   All of our lives we have been taught and told to eat less and exercise more.  I’d like someone to name one, just one “diet plan” or “weight loss program” that in most of the literature, that doesn’t  first tell you the “miracle” of their product or program, and then the disclaimer will read something to the effect of “exercise needed to compliment the program.”   I particularly love the belly fat ads about taking a pill that will reduce belly fat, and their comment during the commercial, that “if your belly fat decrease is too drastic, to only take one of the pills daily.”  Well, sign me up!!!  I only need to swallow two and maybe just one pill, and my belly fat will just melt away.   If you believe that one, I’ve got a nice piece of swamp land in South Carolina that I’d like to sell you!!!!  

The body doesn’t respond to pills, wraps, 20 day exercise fads … it responds to a daily dose of healthy, balanced eating, coupled with healthy cardio and weight training, good sleep habits, and reduction and management of daily stress.   Oh, it will respond to pills, wraps, fads, initially;  but it cannot sustain a healthy level without a balanced healthy lifestyle.   But, the key to this healthy lifestyle is to realize that even when doing everything correctly, food, exercise, sleep, the body will still at different times show the agony of a “gain” on the scale.  I call this the scale being a brat!!!!!!  

This leads me to the highest mountain on my journey.  I am a scalephobe.   I believe the technical term, at least per Google, is gravitaphobia.   It has tempered a great deal, but I look forward to when this is resolved  once and for all.   My lifestyle is extremely healthy now, with what I believe, is a fairly balanced eating style and exercise habits.  But even with these habits, the scale on a weekly basis goes down 2 pounds, up 1.5, down .75, up 2.   It is a roller coaster!!   With what appears to be no rhyme or reason! I do know that stress, lack of sleep, hormone changes can all make the scale do different things.  Recently while on vacation in Saratoga Springs, NY, I got up each morning at 7:00 a.m. to get on the treadmill, I ate lean proteins, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, my protein shakes.  I had one Bloody Mary and 10, yes I counted them, 10 pretzel crisps!   It is a picnic area, full of vendors with specialty foods.   So  many folks picnicking around me ate junk for 5 solid days and consumed liquor quite happily.   Was the scale a brat upon my return?  Of course, it was.  Gained 1.5 pounds!!!!!   My first thought was that I should have eaten and drank like everyone else picnicking at Saratoga Race Course. But then I thought, no the scale would have been a bigger brat, and I probably would have gained 3 pounds!!!  So, I allowed myself to be disappointed for that one evening, the entire time telling myself, that I did everything I was supposed to do, I couldn’t have done any better, so no need to beat myself up. The scale will do what the scale wants to do.  All I need to do is stay focused on eating healthy, exercising appropriately, sleeping well, and managing my stress.  Everything else will fall into place.

I titled this, “The Trap … Unhealthy Trying To Be Healthy.”   This title comes naturally to me, because I can say this was my lifestyle for the first several months into Phase 2.  Since I had been told for most of my years to “eat less, exercise more” I found that what I usually did as a solution to the scale being a brat, was to adjust my food intake, calorie intake, and to exercise even more!   When I first started into Phase 2 and added whole grains back into my diet, the scale would go up a bit.  I immediately thought “those dreaded carbs.”  So I would take them out of my food plan, and of course, the scale would go back down.   I would stay there a week or two, and then add them back in … the scale would inch back up … out they would go again.  My health educator preached, and a bit harshly at times, that the body has to get used to what you are using to fuel it.   Until it gets used to what  you are introducing back into it, the scale will show a reaction of a plus or a minus.  How many times did he say to “stay the course?”   Too many for me to count, and so many that I led him to complete frustration with me.   I was eating the incorrect balance of lean proteins, whole grains, veggies and fruits.  My fruits and veggies were astounding at 10 to 12 servings per day, along with two lean proteins.  But I often had no healthy whole grain carbs in my diet, and while they weren’t in my diet, I was exercising in great intensity 5 to 6 days per week.  I was not fueling my body.  I was the picture of being Unhealthy Trying To Be Healthy!!!!    

Thankfully and blessedly, my health educator refused to give up on me.  We worked together to formulate a healthy plan.  It was not just about eating the correct balance, but in my case it was even more of the head game to get my mind where it needed to be with the scale, and its associated ups and downs.   My mountain to climb.  I would say that I’m about three-fourths the way to the peak now.   I am staying the course, and I’m talking to myself daily about remaining  calm about the journey.   My reaction to the latest scale “brattiness”  after vacation validated my improvement.

For a “wellness program”, my wellness program, I know that it is forever.  It is not a destination, it is a journey.  It is never over, it is for always and forever.  There is a not a before and after, but a before and always!   I wake up every morning, and I know that I need to make the same commitment for the new day that I have made for the days before.  Each day is a new commitment to a healthy day.  Our health educator uses the term “eating with intention.”  That makes so much sense.  We don’t eat for flavor, for fun, for social activity. We eat to fuel our bodies. These beautiful God given bodies.  These temples given to us to preserve and treat with respect.   My wellness program. 

For anyone that can’t understand these journeys, I would pray for their empathy for those of us embarking and well on our way.   It is riddled with obstacles, but the accomplishment at the end is indescribable with joy and gratitude for a healthy body, mind, and soul.  

I close with this Max Lucado quote, “God never said that the journey would be easy. But he did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.”

The Patriarch of Our Family ...

To capture Tom Horn’s life in a few minutes is really quite an impossibility.  THIS is his legacy. This is what Tom would want as his legacy. This is what is making Tom smile today.  His family and his friends of his most magnificent lifetime.

Tom was a very social active individual. He thrived on being with people, interacting with people, and laughing with people.  He truly LIVED every moment of EVERY day of his life.  He maintained friendships from childhood, through  his career, and certainly through his retirement.  EVERYONE knew Tom  Horn.  I don’t think there was ever a time myself or any of his friends or family invited him to an event, that his standard reply wasn’t, “I’m Available.”  But his “available” meant so much more though.  You didn’t just get Tom as a “polite, I need to make an appearance type” available. You got the essence of his heart and his soul. With soul being the keyword. Tom lived his life and honored his faith through every pore of  his body.  I have often heard it stated, that it is a person’s actions not words that define their legacy. This was the epitome of our Tom.

My cousin, Jimmy, and I had the blessing of going to Ireland with Tom in October of 2014.  It truly was an experience of a lifetime. We were able to find his grandparents and our great-grandparents home they emigrated from. I have a picture of the three of us together in front of that stone structure. What a blessing!  When we were coming through customs, as we were leaving Ireland, I had Tom’s passport and declaration card with me. The counter was high, and Tom was using a wheelchair (which he rarely would do, but agreed to in the airport because of the distance in walking.)  His wheelchair was low, and down from the counter. The custom’s clerk saw the birthdate of 1/22/12 on his passport. She looked at me and said, “oh, you’re traveling with a two-year-old.”  I said, “no, I’m traveling with a 102-year-old.” She had the same reaction as everyone did.  “Oh my Mr. Horn, you don’t look 102!”  She must have shared our story with our flight attendant, because as the attendant was going through the cabin checking seatbelts, etc. she leaned down and whispering asked me if Tom would mind if she announced his age on the plane. I told her not at all, that he would love it!  After all the safety checks, she then stated, “we have a very important person on board with us today. Mr. Horn in seat 29A will be 103 years old in January.”  Everyone clapped, and I do believe that everyone on the plane at some time, during that 7 hour flight, stopped by to shake his hand or ask him a question. But one question resonates with me still. He was asked what was his secret to such a ripe age?  His answer, “I’ve had good family and friends, good health, and a good church.” That was Tom Horn.  His family, his friends, his health, and mainly his church!!!

I have been identified by several different adjectives and descriptions through my life, but the one that makes me the proudest is when someone will say to me, “Oh, you are Tom Horn’s niece.”  Yes, I most definitely am Tom Horn’s niece. We are his nieces, his nephews, Betty Ann, Mike, Jimmy, Patricia, Sharon, Suzanne, Ruth Marie, Kara and his great nieces and nephews, Lea Ann, Jimmy, Kevin, Pam, Carrie, Angela, Whitney, John Michael, Maritsa, Debbie, Cindy, Beth, Brent, Pam, Donnie, David Michael, and his great great nieces and nephews.  Jerri and her children Eric, Amy, and Bonita, whom he considered his daughter and grandchildren.  We are his family! We are his friends! We are his church!  We are his legacy.  And he is oh so proud of that.

I have a calendar on my desk of quotes from St. Mother Theodore Guerin, the founder of the Sisters of Providence.  When I flipped my calendar over, when I returned to work on Monday, the quote from January 3, the date Tom went home, stated:

“The greatest in heaven is the one who on Earth has been the servant of all.”  How fitting, how wonderfully fitting!

This world is a better place because for 103 years and 346 days, Tom Horn walked amongst us. There will never be another. While we are heart broken to lose the patriarch of our family, our beloved uncle, our beloved friend, we need only shut our eyes and open our ears and our hearts.  I’m sure we will hear the resounding trumpets that most definitely played when he arrived home!  Rest peacefully, Tom.   You were, you are, and you will always be greatly, greatly loved!   And, yes, Tom, in your spectacular honor, we will always be AVAILABLE!!

Defiance!

I have heard it called maintenance, I have heard it called guarding, and I have heard it called protecting. While all of these are good words, they just don’t seem to have a strong enough feel for what I have experienced the past year. I like to look at it as pure defiance. I DEFY myself or anyone else from messing with my 70+ pound weight loss!!!! On December 29, 2014 I recorded a 70 pound weight loss. Since then, I have DEFIED myself or anyone else from messing with that loss.

You may wonder why I say myself or anyone else. While I need to battle myself frequently, it is almost easier for me to take care of myself, as it is, for me to silence the “anyone else.” I have worked hard, struggled, cried, enjoyed, been frustrated, been encouraged, and basically all emotions in between in losing my 70+ pounds. Now I am hearing from, I’m sure with good intentions, folks that want to say, “Go ahead and eat that piece of cheesecake. You’ve earned that right.” "You deserve it." Or “You can have that Nacho Mountain off the menu, look how good you’ve done for so long. One cheat won’t hurt.” Or, my favorite, “You can’t stay on a diet for the rest of your life.”

What??????? Seriously?????? I’m not on a diet. I refuse to call it a diet. I have never called it a diet. It is a wellness plan, and I have retrained my body, mind, and soul that it is a wellness plan. It is what I do to stay healthy!!!!!!!! It is what I do to feel good!!!!!! It is what I do to maintain my physical activity capabilities!!!! And, yes, I can and will do this for the rest of my life. My answer to all the “you deserves” is, I do deserve! I do deserve! I do deserve!! I deserve to stay the course, eat healthy, exercise, and enjoy the rest of my life in a healthy manner. That is what I deserve. NOT A PIECE OF CHEESECAKE!!!!!

Here is what “I defy myself or anyone else from messing with my 70+ weight loss” looks like …

April 7, 2014 Weight 199.5
December 29, 2014 Weight 129.5

December 30, 2014 thru December 29, 2015 …

Physical Activity Calories: 154,225

Veggies Eaten: 1626

Fruits Eaten: 1071.5

Lean Proteins Eaten: 495.5

Whole Grains Eaten: 256.75

HMR Shakes: 275.5

HMR Entrees: 151


That is my “box”. My “box” daily is 7 to 12 fruits and vegetables, 2 lean proteins, one whole grain. Add physical activity calories to that, and yes, my nemesis … water!

Over the past year, I have struggled with what I want that magical number to look like on the scale. Even though I feel wonderful, my clothes fit perfectly, and I’m 2 sizes smaller than I was in high school, I still covet a certain number on the scale. I have been blessed to not only maintain and guard my 70 pound weight loss, but I have added a few more pounds to it over the past year. Depending on whether the scale is being a brat or not, I have now lost between 75 and 77 pounds. That elusive 80 is hanging there. I may never get there … it doesn’t matter!

Did I wake up on December 30, 2014 and say, “I’m going to do 154,225 Physical Activity calories for a year to maintain this weight loss?”  Or did I say, “I’m going to have to eat 1626 vegetables to maintain my weight loss”? Did I say, “I’m eating 3 fruits today, only 1068.5 left to go!” Of course I didn’t. What I did was get up each and every day, eat THAT DAY, what I knew was healthy for me, and exercise THAT DAY, what I knew was a good workout to keep my body moving. When I looked back at the numbers at the end of the year, the totals spoke for themselves. It is my wellness plan. It is my new healthy life … and I absolutely defy myself or anyone else from messing with my 70+ weight loss!

The other numbers that reflect this wellness plan are what I deserve:

BMI Before: 43.17
BMI Now: 27.16

Glucose Before: 120
Glucose Now: 97

AlC Before: 6.2
AlC Now: 5.2

Blood pressure medicine cut in half.

Cholesterol medicine cut by three-quarters.

Walked/Ran TWO HALF MARATHONS!!!

Walked multiple 5K, 10K, and 10 mile races.

Fitbit lifetime steps (since starting my wellness program) 4, 995, 080. That is FOUR MILLION, NINE HUNDRED, NINETY FIVE THOUSAND, 80 STEPS!!!!!!! My Fitbit is blowing up!!!!!

My goal for 2016 is to run, not walk a 10K. I bet I get it!!!!

I have been blessed to have many along the way as support, encouragement, and even shoulders to cry on. My mentor, coach, personal trainer, and friend, Brandon Howard, has, I believe, truly saved my life. God truly put me in the right place, at the right time, with the right people. It’s time for me to honor that grace extended to me, and I try to pay it forward at every opportunity!

So, I DEFY myself or anyone else from messing with my 70+ weight loss! Everyone is right … I most certainly do DESERVE it!!! But, I know what I DESERVE and in what manner, and it is that which I will defy myself or anyone else to mess with!!!

We Celebrate Him!

As Christmas draws nearer and is only a few days away, I think it serves us well to stop and reflect how we celebrate His birth every day!!!

In the sunrise, in the sunset we celebrate Him!
When we hear the birds, feel the breeze, smell the scent of a field of wild flowers, we celebrate Him!
When we count each individual star, admire a butterfly, walk in the snow, we celebrate Him!
When we see the expanse of an ocean, the peaks of snow covered mountains, and a brook trickling through a valley, we celebrate Him!

In the birth of a new baby, or the passing of an elder, we celebrate Him!
When we trudge through a busy day, or laugh when we are at play, we celebrate Him!
Through tears and through laughter, we celebrate Him!

When we break bread with friends and family, we celebrate Him!
When we comfort a loved one, tend the sick, feed the poor, we celebrate Him!

When we recognize and embrace each individual, as made in His image and likeness, we celebrate Him!
When we lock arms and stand strong in our faith, we celebrate Him!
When we join our prayers to others, we celebrate Him!
When we live every day to our fullest capacity, in His name, we celebrate Him!
When we simply love, we celebrate Him!

When I celebrate each of you, I celebrate Him!

Conflictions ...

She has changed

In the months and the passings,

She has changed

Her heart fills slowly, as if snow accumulating in a flowerless, empty window box.

Colorful hues replaced with a soft shroud of white.

She has changed

Confidence has edged its muscle into her once timid space.

Fear rears its ugly head like shining eyes in a night sky. Visiting when least expected, and for a time strangling like binding twine.

She has changed

Days are long but vitalizing,

The evenings short and wreaking of trepidation.

Tick tock of the passing hours.

Happiness swings to confusion like the pendulum of the clock. Tick tock.

She has changed

Her strength soars as if on eagle’s wings, and her weakness of body, mind, and soul abounds.

She has changed

Fullness of life and energy with a sky lit with sunshine and puffed clouds.

Loneliness takes her to her knees.

Her vulnerability she wears as a badge,

Longing a part of her soul.

Her heart fills slowly, as if snow accumulating in a flowerless, empty window box. A heart full of change.

She has changed

Different but the same.

Sit-Up's and Burpees and Sandbags ... Oh My!!!!

The title of this post may sound a little bit like a line from the Wizard of Oz. That is not by accident. But, as I tell this story, you will understand how I would rather face the Wicked Witch of the West and the Flying Monkeys, than to think about repeating this particular workout in the future. But something, just something tells me that I will face it again and will ACCOMPLISH it again!!

Our normal training group bounced into the gym on our normal workout on a Wednesday with Brandon. I’m always the one that either, before we get there, or while we are warming up asks, “What are we doing tonight?” My answer this particular night was, “sandbags.” Hmmmm… Sandbags … sounds interesting. But then we all see his little sly smile, and the rubbing of the palms together, and the chuckle going up the stairs to our workout area. Oh my!!!

We proceed into our room we often get to use for our workouts. The overhead fans are on, the exercise music is playing, and we see our floor mats and SANDBAGS ready and placed for us. We have never seen the sandbags before. Just a little sand-filled long tubular bag, with a handle on it similar to a gym bag handle. A sandbag! Brandon then begins to demonstrate that we are going to hold these sandbags, end to end initially. We are going to do sumo squats first, and when we come to standing position out of the sumo squat, we are going to press the sandbag over our heads. Kind of like an arm press with weight. Well allrighty then! Sounds pretty simple. And remember, his famous saying, “you can do anything for 30 seconds.” So we start out with our sandbag, squat, press, squat, press, squat press … 30 seconds!! After about 15 seconds, that sandbag was beginning to get on my nerves. He tells us to “rest.” We’ve heard this word many times before, and it always sounds like a gift from heaven when it is heard … just sayin’. So four rounds of the squats and overhead presses with the sandbags. Yes, the arms, quads, and bootie are burning a bit.

Not to be outdone by the sumo squats and presses, Brandon then demonstrates that we are going to do either a regular burpee or a reverse burpee, and yes holding the SANDBAG. Burpees have to be one of the hardest exercises ever, let alone with a SANDBAG. And, yes, you are correct in your assumption … four rounds of 30 seconds each. Now, not only are the arms, quads, and bootie burning, but now we wheeze, and huff and puff, and appear to be an asthmatic in the final throws of a major attack. Just a little cardio to get our bodies going!!! Mine feels like it has already went.

Now we journey to the track, and you guessed it, with our SANDBAGS. Our direction now is to run, RUN, a lap carrying our sandbags. We can carry them by the handles, we can carry them on our shoulders, or, we can carry them like footballs. Doesn’t matter how we carry them. Just carry them. Then to add insult to injury, after we RUN this lap, we are to stop and do triceps curls holding a sandbag in each hand, by the handle. Well, let me tell you … all that sand sinks to the bottom, and you feel like you are carrying and lifting the weight of the world!!! I might mention, that I did ask a few times, “How much do these weigh?” My answer, “not sure.”

The first lap, I carried my sandbags by the handles. Oh my!!! I could have just had easily drug a dead body along with me. We got all kinds of sympathy from others just walking or jogging the track. Many looked at us and said, “Bless your hearts.” Yes, indeed, bless them!!

I was so happy after the first lap, because I was so tired from running that I actually looked forward to the triceps curls. My mistake. Triceps curls with SANDBAGS are the demon!!! I didn’t know anything could hurt like that. That first lap complete, we are then told, “first lap down, two more to go.” My response, “Seriously? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? Oh, yes, seriously!

The second lap, I tried putting the sandbags on my shoulders. Well my shoulders are about 3 inches from neck to end, and I made it all of about 25 yards before they both fell off. Now my sandbags are in the middle of the track and I’m trying to heft them back into my arms. I think I should have gotten extra credit for this extra maneuver, but I don’t think I did!! I approach the end of the second lap with one sandbag slung over my forearm, and the other one dangling from my hand. What a site!!! Thirty more seconds of triceps curls, and then one more lap.

The third lap, I just draped both of them over my forearms, and drug my poor tired body around the track for one more lap. Then one more set of triceps curls.

Sounds like cool down time to me. But, nope!! Back to our little room. Now we are going to work on our core and abs. Oh joy!!! Down on our backs we go for flutter kicks, yes holding our SANDBAG over our chests with arms extended. Four rounds of 30 seconds each. I’m trying to remember that I can do anything for 30 seconds!!! Then followed by full sit-ups, again holding our SANDBAG in our hands with arms extended with each sit-up. Four more rounds of 30 seconds each.

For the grand finale, we are asked to put the sandbag on our shins, legs straight, lay flat, and do leg raises.  I'm not sure, and I don't remember when someone nailed my feet to the floor, but they surely did!!  I could NOT MOVE MY LEGS!!!  No amount of effort or grunting or groaning helped me get my legs off the floor. Not even one-quarter of an inch.  A mere one-quarter of an inch!!!! I'm told that just trying was working, so just keep trying!!!  That, I did!

Workout complete!!! Good job!!!

Now, I’m one of those folks that avoid a scale at all cost. But I was determined to find out just how much those sandbags weigh. I happily jumped on the scale, weighed myself, then got off, picked up my sandbags, and reweighed. I weighed 20 pounds more!! So each sandbag was 10 pounds. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but believe me, it was AMAZINGLY A LOT!!!!

But here is the real story behind this story … It seemed absolutely ominous to us, as we were doing this workout, the weight of those sandbags. They did weigh a total of 20 pounds. But last year, I carried not only 20 pounds around that track, I carried 77 pounds around that track. Not only around that track, but each and every day of my life, for 15 plus years, I carried 77 pounds around with me. Yes, that is my total weight loss to date. So, when I have those days that the scale is being a brat and showing a little gain, or when I want nachos, or candy, or egg rolls, or pizza, or meatballs … I think about those SANDBAGS and that workout designed for us by Brandon. I didn’t think those sandbags were my friends, and I thought Brandon had really challenged us, but now I realize they are both my friends . The sandbags put into perspective the unhealthy weight I had carried for far too long, and with Brandon’s guidance, my body has very healthily and very efficiently been taken to a new level.

God put me in the right place, at the right time, with the right people. Sit-up's and burpees and sandbags … oh my!!! I’ve never been happier!!

Not Always The Real Story

The scale doesn’t always tell the story …

Gravitaphobia/Gravitophobia ! Have you ever heard of the word? I hadn’t either until I wanted to write this blog post regarding my fear of the scale. I googled, of course, to find out if there was a true phobia, and who knew? I find both of these words, actually in two separate articles, by the same author, Yoni Freedhoff, M.D. It is described in his article as the irrational fear of the scale and, therefore, avoidance of said scale. I may not be in that particular spot, but I am hovering along the edges. Maybe, mini-gravitaphobia! He speaks in his article of people that will not make eye contact with their bathroom scale, when they go into the room. I don’t have to worry about that. My scale is buried in my walk-in closet under my shoes. And for anyone who knows me, that would mean it can’t be easily or readily seen under my pile of shoes. It would probably take at least 2 hours to shovel it out, and think of all the exercise credit I would get for that maneuver? I think there may be another name for shoe addiction, but that is for another time!!

When I started my Wellness Journey, I of course, had to weigh in. Even though embarrassed by my weight, the first night was ever so easy to do so, as was the second week, the third week, and maybe even into the fourth week. But, I found as I progressed through my journey, I became more and more anxious. I was lucky enough to lose 5 pounds the first week, then 2, then 3, then 1.5. Even small increments were victories. But I found, as I progressed, I became more and more anxious each time I weighed, for fear that one weigh-in may show an increase. Any increase, any increment of an increase put the fear of disaster in my mind, and it hovered close to the skin like needles pricking each week. Our Health Educator, Brandon, often speaks to these scale numbers. He says over and over again that our bodies do very strange things, and that the number on the scale is simply put, just that!! A number on the scale. He reiterates over and over again that as long as we do what we are supposed to do, eat the healthy foods, the right combinations, exercise the way we should, drink a healthy portion of water, and get adequate sleep, that the number on the scale is simply a number. That number may go up, it may go down, it may go up again, but it will always correct itself, if we stay the course! I don’t know why this is so hard for me to embrace, but all I can say is that it is extremely hard for me. But, the scale doesn’t always tell the story …

I went 32 weeks in my journey, before I stepped on the scale and showed a gain. A “gain” … yes, a “gain” of … THREE-QUARTERS OF A POUND!!! Sounds miniscule, doesn’t it? I don’t like to get upset in front of people. It was ever so apparent by my facial expression that I was upset, and when others tried to talk with me, all I could say was “don’t be nice to me.” Trying to be nice anyway, they were, and well, it resulted in tears, and feelings of “oh my gosh, all this weight is coming back.” I was almost inconsolable. As much as my brain knew I was just fine, my heart was broken, I felt that ever fear of past failures, and to be quite honest, was really ticked off because I hadn’t done anything to gain anything!!!! But, the scale doesn’t always tell the story …

My wellness class is always on Monday night. That is the worst day in the week to weigh! I don’t “cheat” on the weekend, but let’s face it … my schedule is completely different on the weekend than it is Monday through Friday. During the work week, I exercise at the same time in the morning, eat breakfast at the same time, have my mid-morning snack at the same time, eat lunch at the same time, have my mid afternoon snack at the same time, exercise in the late afternoon at the same time, have dinner at the same time, and have my bedtime snack at the same time. Sound regimented. Well, yes it is!!!!! But on Saturday and Sunday, even though I eat the same foods, the times are different for everything. I often will not even start eating until later in the afternoon, and stop eating later at night. My sleep habits are completely different on the weekend. So Monday rolls around for weigh-in, and what should I expect? I expect to lose weight or stay the same, but that doesn’t always happen. Then, here comes the fear again. But, the scale doesn’t always tell the story …

Because of my fears, Brandon in his wisdom, asked me to do a little study for our class. He asked me to weigh myself for 4 days throughout a week, and to try to weigh myself every hour or so. I started on a Sunday, and weighed myself Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I tried to weigh as close to every hour as I could. I even had a scale in my office at work. What a roller coaster!!! I weighed upon awakening, before exercise, after exercise, before eating, after eating, and before bedtime. My weight fluctuated throughout any given day as much as 7 pounds. SEVEN POUNDS!!!! So, why in the world am I stressing over one-half pound, one pound, or whatever on any given Monday night? Another point, with this daily weight documentation, was what my weight did with stress. Brandon had told me, in particular, and the class as a whole on several occasions that cortisol can do crazy things with weight. My worry, fear, whatever you want to call it … was probably making my cortisol go nuts every Monday night!! Sure enough, on one of my days of weighing every hour, I was particulary stressed, so I purposefully weighed. I had weighed one hour before, and when I weighed during my stress time, I had GAINED THREE POUNDS!!! One hour later, it was right back down. Point proven! But, the scale doesn’t always tell the story …

Even though I have gotten braver, as I like to call it, with my weigh-ins, I still have my moments of dejection, fright, anger, grit my teeth, keep my mouth shut moments when I weigh. On my last weigh-in, I showed a TWO POUND “gain”. I looked at Brandon and said, “but I didn’t do anything.” His immediate response, “that’s why you shouldn’t be worried.” The right words, at the right time, with the right smile, and the right firmness. Just go sit down, Sharon!!!

I’ve said many times during this post … but, the scale doesn’t always tell the story. The scale certainly helps write the story, but here is the REAL story:

77 pounds lost!!! In mostly no bigger increments than 1.5 or 2 pounds per week. To quote another success story, “celebrate every quarter pound lost, but for those quarters, you wouldn’t be where you are today.” So I celebrate my 77 pounds lost!!

Completely off my cholesterol medication. I have a familial tendency for this, so I may not be able to maintain on my own without medication. But I celebrate that I was taking 20 mgs. of Lipitor daily, then 10 mgs., then 5 mgs., and now none!!!

I have reduced my blood pressure medication to one-half the original dosage, and may be tapered completely off of it in a few weeks. I celebrate that I am able to reduce and possibly stop this medication!

My exercise level has gone from ZERO to HIGH INTENSITY on several days each week and moderate exercise daily. I celebrate the new-found movement of my body. It is a beautiful feeling!

I feel younger than I have in years. I could choose to beat myself up for being unhealthy for so long, but I choose to celebrate my health and how I feel every morning when my feet hit the floor.

I look different ! I celebrate when people see me, who haven’t seen me in a while. I first get the stare of “I know I should know you.” Then I get the “oh my, I wouldn’t have known you.” I celebrate it is the same me, but I just look different. It’s the difference of looking healthy!! How beautiful is that?

I now can go to mostly any restaurant or any event and make an informed decision of the right choice. I celebrate the knowledge of this decision-making, but mostly the freedom that this knowledge affords me. My decisions are better today than they were yesterday. I celebrate my new found freedom!!

I feel braver and more competent in my skin. With each step, of each day, of each month, and now into more than a full year, I get braver with each “success.” I celebrate my bravery!!

And most importantly, when I started this journey and was asked why I wanted to join this program, my immediate response was, “I’m just so tired of going to bed every night and being so disappointed with myself.” I celebrate now when I lay head to pillow at night and I’m not disappointed with myself!! I’ve learned it is true, that you need to love yourself first! I celebrate that first!!!

So these are the real stories. The scale doesn’t always tell the story. It is a small part of a journey that I will be forever grateful to have taken and continue to take. I will forever celebrate and have gratitude to my support team and the folks that have taken this journey by my side. I love them all dearly. They are gifted by God and grace-filled, and they have shared their gifts and grace with me. I celebrate their grace!

My God put me in the right place, at the right time, with the right people. I lay head to pillow at night with no disappointment but with prayers of huge gratitude. That, my friends, is not only the real story, it is the ULTIMATE STORY!!