65 Joyfully Bold ...

Today, I turn 65.  Yes, that is correct, 65!!!!   I always thought the phrase, “where has the time gone?” was a bit of a cliché.  I may be thinking about that a bit differently these days.

I recently heard this comment:

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.”

Boy, I can appreciate this now.   Yes, I turn 65 today.  I like to think of 65 as the new 40!!!!!  I believe I actually feel better now at 65, then I did when I was 40. For that I can be so very grateful.   I started a wellness program about 4 years ago, and I can honestly say that it has changed my life, I know it has extended my life, and in actuality, probably saved my life.

I think the reality of age 65 may have hit me the strongest when I opened my mail and found my Medicare card.  I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.  And to even be more cynical, since I am still working, I don’t need it yet, and I fear that by the time that I do, that it won’t be worth the paper it is written on any longer … given our current political climate!

Last year, in my 64^th year, my promise to myself was to “live boldly.”   I think I accomplished that in many ways.   I like to celebrate these bold moves last year …

·         Maintained a 70-pound weight loss for yet another year … 3 years currently!

·         Took a transatlantic cruise from Tampa, Florida to Barcelona, Spain.  The boldest part of this was the flight home, given my less than comfortable level with flying!

·         Deadlifted 165 pounds!!  (Can I add to this that I am 4’9” and about 130 pounds!)

·         Walked at least 200 miles in different road races throughout the year.

·         Participated in several rallies/protests over beliefs I hold dear.  Some that I thought would be uncomfortable, but actually turned out to be huge blessings.

But rather just sharing what I did, I’d like to reflect on what I’ve learned.   And not just in my 64^th year, but during my 64 years.     I love the meme I saw once that said, “Some days I just wish I had the wisdom of a ninety-year-old, the body of a twenty-year-old, and the energy of a three-year-old.”  That may just be the home run!!!!!

I’ve learned …

·         Say the right words at the time.  You may not get another opportunity.

·         Eat healthy, exercise well, diminish your stress, and sleep well.

·         Your body listens to everything you say about it and to it.  Be kind!!  If you wouldn’t say it to somebody else, don’t say it to yourself.

·         Laugh!  I mean belly laugh!!!!! And, then belly laugh again, and again, and yet again!  There is truth in the statement that laughter is the best medicine.

·         It’s OK to be afraid, as long as you don’t let it paralyze you.

·         Find your true friends and nourish those friendships. True friendship is a huge blessing from God, and with all grace, needs to be embraced and nurtured.

·         Love your family. All of them, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins.  They are your family!

·         Don’t be afraid to cry.  Cry if you are sad, cry if you are happy, cry if you are frustrated.   A good cry is good for the soul.

·         Make a commitment to do at least one fun thing a day. Don’t wait for tomorrow, that opportunity may not come.

·         Dance!   Get up and dance!!! Everyone can dance, believe me, everyone can dance!

·         Walk in the rain.  It is so refreshing.

·         Make sure to play in the snow.  So much fun to catch snowflakes on your tongue. Don’t worry if someone sees you.

·         Always use your hands to help others.

·         Get a dog. Get two or three dogs.  Surround yourself with dogs.   It is unconditional love personified.

·         Be kind to nature.  It holds majesty.  Just sit or walk in nature and listen. That’s all that is needed.

·         Squish your toes in the sand and surf.  

·         Always be honest.  Simply be honest.

·         Meet new people from different places, different cultures, different religions, different countries. Our diversity makes us strong.

·         At any opportunity, hold a baby.  Watch their eyes as they start to explore. We can learn a lot from them.

·         Sing! Sing! Sing!  If it’s sacred music that speaks to you, sing it.  Whatever touches your soul in song, sing it!

·         Drive safely.  If someone is frustrated with your speed and tries to “push you along”, just turn up the radio, and sing along!

·         Read.  Read everything you can get your hands on.  It’s a beautiful way to explore so many avenues.

·         Travel, and then travel some more. The world is our playground, and knowledge abounds.

·         Decorate your home for the seasons.   Each season is an awesome work of art from God.  Celebrate it!

·         Work hard.  Find a job that makes you want to get up every day, and work hard.

·         Love through every pore in your body.  If you’ve ever truly loved someone, you never stop loving them.   Store it in the right place.

·         Never accept in silence.  If it is important to your beliefs, make your voice heard!

·         Pray.  Start your day off with prayer, and end your day with prayer.   It can just be a conversation, a spiritual book, a silent time spent with you and your God.

·         Worship!   Whatever your belief, worship!

·         Always, without exception, be kind!

I always thought I might be a little sad to grow older, and it seems that 65 is indeed a special number.  But rather than sad, I feel excitement. I feel bold excitement.  If I’m being 100% honest, I may be a bit sad because I know my days may be getting a bit shorter, if life expectancy can be considered.   For that, I am sad.  But I am excited, as I feel that the “knowledge” that I’ve learned over the many years, has resulted in my being much more “in the moment.”   It makes me want to embrace many different and new things, and it has made me less afraid.  Not being afraid may be one of the biggest blessings of growing older.   I think we all experience fear as we are growing up.  First our fears as a child, then our fears of acceptance as a teenager, then our fears of young adulthood, our fears of parenthood.  Yes, there are fears of growing older, but I think our knowledge of “living in the moment” truly helps to allay those fears.  I know it has for me.

So my year of 2017, I committed to “live boldly.”  My year of 65 is committed to being 65 and joyfully bold.   I do believe God calls us to be bold with our lives.  

God has always put me in the right place, with the right people, at the right time.  So … I am 65 and joyfully bold!!!!!!

When I was 64 ...

I started out the year of 2017 saying it was going to be my year of “living boldly.”  Yes, a lot of this determination was brought on by the 2016 Presidential Election and the outcome of the unrest that ensued following said election.  I am proudly and unapologetically liberal, so to say it has been a year of angst, for my soul, would be an understatement.  I have said repeatedly, and I will say again now, it has nothing to do with political differences.  We all have our own political agendas and thoughts on how things should work. But the difference with this election was not political … it was pure out and out humanity.  That is a line in the sand, my friends.

With this unrest, I committed myself to “living boldly.”  Never accept through silence, take each day as a beautiful gift from our God, embrace that gift, share it with others, and above all live and love each and every single day … live and love each and every single day.

So my year of 2017, the year I turned 64 on February 9 …

 From the very first of the year, I remained totally and completely ensconced on my wellness journey.  I worked with my company and my health educator and personal trainer to help spread the word to other employees.  I committed to being available to my fellow co-workers to assist them on their health journey.    This is one of my most passionate missions, and I am so thankful to boldly participate.

January brought a lot of unrest in the political arena.  I attended my first ever protest and rally on January 31.  This was in response to the recent ban on immigration.   I found this disturbing on so many fronts.  It has repercussions that most of us cannot even imagine yet or wrap our arms around.  But I also attended this rally for so many other reasons.   I have said so many times, and will continue to state, that this environment has awakened the “silence” of many.  By “silence” I don’t just mean folks not stating their mind in words or actions, but “silence” in not truly being aware of how others have lived, been marginalized, while others have been so privileged.    I knew, as my year progressed, that this would not and was indeed not,  my only rally or protest.  I attended a health care reform rally, in an effort to save our health care for millions upon millions, I attended a Black Lives Matter and Interfaith Rally in response to the hatred that was evidence in Charlottesville, and I recently attended the Women’s March.

In February, I actually joined in conversation and planning of a transatlantic cruise to Barcelona, Spain.  This is intensely brave for me, as I HATE to fly.   Not only would I be flying almost 10 hours home from Barcelona, I would also be cruising across the Atlantic Ocean from Tampa, Florida to the Mediterranean Sea to Barcelona, Spain.   We would have two weeks at sea, with 4 ports during the two weeks, and 6 full days of total at sea.   The planning and anticipation were exciting, but the apprehension was real as well. 

Also in February …  Happy 64^th Birthday to me!!!!!!!!

Now for March …  the first of March, I participated again in the Triple Crown of Road Races.  I live in the Derby City area, and each year there are three road races and a half-marathon that I participate in by walking in celebration of the Kentucky Derby.  This has been one of my victory celebrations for my continued 70 pound weight loss.   These races are 5K, 10K, 10 miles, and I do the half-marathon 13.1.   I was only privileged to participate in the 5K, 10K, and 10 miler this year, due to being in the middle of the ocean for the half-marathon.   I did miss that half-marathoner this year … I’ll be back on the road in 2018 for that one!!  (To celebrate my 65^th Birthday!!)

On April 7, I celebrated my Third Healthy Birthday!!  On April 7, 2014 I started on my wellness journey.  Now three years later, I celebrate my 70 pound weight loss, and more importantly than the weight, my return to a healthy lifestyle, healthy, normal labs, and very healthy body.   I am forever grateful for this journey.   

Also in April, we made our transatlantic crossing to Spain.   What an adventure, and more importantly, what an awesome group of friends to share this experience.  I know we have bonded in friendship and spirit, and these bonds will not be broken.  We are looking forward to many more adventures over the years.

I could go on throughout the months of 2017, but I won’t bore you with each detail.  

My commitment was to “live boldly.”  I believe God calls each of us to live boldly. Whether it be with large things, where we face a fear, or the small things.  In small things we often touch more lives.  I don’t honestly think there really is anything as a “small thing.”   What may seem small to us, to another may be a life blood.

I love these beautiful lyrics from the song, “We Will Rise Up and Follow” by David Haas

“In the eyes of the stranger, tearful, joyous, or frightened.  In the face of each neighbor, Jesus summons us all.  When we hear words of hatred, spreading fear and false witness, words that cry to be challenged, Jesus summons us all.

We will rise up, rise up and follow.  Christ before and beside us.  Loving pattern to guide us. As we answer the call.”

Live Boldly … give boldly of yourself … love boldly.   My life has been enriched in so many ways.  God has always placed me in the right place, with the right people, at the right time.  It’s beyond time to Pay It Forward.

Joyful Third Anniversary ...

December 29 is a celebration day for me.   It has been three years since I reached a 70-pound weight loss.   I have placed a lot of pressure on myself this past year, as I have been “maintaining” a weight about 2 pounds above that 70-pound-weight loss number.  I have been completely and totally hung up on THAT NUMBER!!!  As I start this blog post, I don’t know what the number will be on December 29, because I start writing this memory actually on December 27.  I’m starting now because I really want to focus on the past three years, instead of THAT NUMBER!!!  

I started my wellness journey on April 7, 2014.  I didn’t really have a goal weight in my mind, as the program that I participate with (HMR program) does not assign you a target weight number.   But as I got closer to the end of that year, and also got closer to the 70-pound weight loss number, I thought how nice it would be to hit that mark before the end of the year.  Sure enough, as I weighed in on December 29, 2014,  I hit that 70-pound-weight loss.  I had in my mind that I would lose another 10 pounds, and then I would be content to maintain.

Things can change with what you might have in your mind that you want to accomplish.  I did lose a few more pounds over the next several weeks, and I maintained that weight loss for several months.  However, it became evident that it may not be a “true weight loss.”  In my efforts to concentrate on a particular number, I was exercising a lot, but not keeping the nutrition balance appropriate for the amount of exercise.   Brandon, my health educator worked with me, tirelessly, to add in more lean proteins, more whole grains, and to up my calorie content a bit.  I did so, and even though I hate to admit it, felt better, had more strength, and more energy … but I also “gained” a few pounds over a period of months.  This is terrifying.  Anyone who has battled weight, been on “diets”, etc. will know exactly what my thoughts were … “Here I go again!  I’m going to gain it all back!”   It truly is a mind game.     But I can report that over the past year to year and a half, for the most part, I have been within 1 pound of the same weight, often within a quarter of a pound or half a pound of the same weight.  WOW!!!  Talk about maintaining.  

I’ve learned (almost) that numbers are numbers.   While you may think you want to weigh a certain number, your body will find it’s sweet spot and stay right there, as long as you are doing your part with proper nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress management.   To prove this point, I actually went back in Phase 1 of our wellness plan. Phase 1 is “boot camp” so to speak, and this is where everyone starts out initially in our HMR program.  Well, I went back in Phase 1 for a total of 6 weeks!!!  Guess how much weight I lost …  ¼ pound!!!!!!!!   My body absolutely loves where it is right now.   I still have that magical number in my head, but I am slowly, ever so slowly accepting my status quo.  

When I start to regress and fret over THAT NUMBER, I remind myself of this:

·         Off all blood pressure medications

·         Lower cholesterol and medication dropped in ½ of dose prior to my wellness journey

·         My body exercises and does things that it hasn’t done in 40 years

·         I rarely, if ever, have a cold, headache, or seasonal illnesses

·         I shattered a shoulder, but I healed from the surgery in lightning speed time and amazed my doctors and therapists. 

·         I have walked three half marathons, a number of 10 milers, 10K’s, and 5K’s, and actually ran a 5K for the first time in my life this year, at age 64!!

·         I made the commitment to lift heavier weights this year, and working with Brandon, my trainer and health educator, accomplished this commitment.  My claim to fame is 165-pound deadlift.  Not bad for a 4’9”, soon to be,  65-year-old lady!!

·         During one weights workout this year, in 10 minutes I did 10 reps of 7 deadlifts of 95 pounds and 7 chest presses of 65 pounds.  Doing the math that is 70 x 95 and 70 x 65 …. That is 11,200 pounds in 10 minutes.   Seriously ???

·         And, probably the most humbling … when someone tells me they joined the HMR program, joined the gym, and are getting healthy because I inspired them!!!!  Wow!!!! 

So, as I celebrate this third anniversary, on December 29, 2017 of having lost 70 pounds, I’m going to be happy regardless of what THAT NUMBER is on the scale.   I know it will be within 1 to 3 pounds.  Heck that could be muscle weight, and I’m not naïve enough to think it may be a little weight gain with the holiday temptations of the past few weeks.  But, whatever THAT NUMBER is, I’m one happy and blessed girl.   Three years of health, fitness, and maintaining of an awesome amount of weight loss.  

As I started this past year, I knew I was just one year shy of hitting the big age of 65!!!  I made a commitment to myself that I would live boldly in 2017.   I’m happy to say I accomplished that goal.   I’ve learned a lot this year, exercised a lot this year, maintained healthy habits a lot this year, travelled to different parts of the world this year, and have thoroughly enjoyed life a lot this year.    I want to continue that  “a lot“ into 2018.  So my goal in 2018, and I’ll turn 65 on February 9, is to build from that live boldly to stating the fact that I am  65 and joyfully bold!!!!   I will continue to live boldly, building on what I’ve learned this past year, and carrying that knowledge into my 65^th year!!!!!!  You are never to old, never to big, never to small, never to anything to not LIVE BOLDLY and go for your dreams.  Dreams do become reality.  I know it!!!!

God placed me in the right place, at the right time, with the right people.  I am forever grateful and blessed!

Translations ... (Part One as I am sure there will be more!!)

I would think that any of us that have been on a health journey may be able to identify with this particular blog post.  Please notice that I did not say “diet”.  I refuse, I absolutely refuse.   I saw a quote on our board at my wellness center this week that read, “It is not a short term diet.  It is a long term lifestyle change.”     That is true, oh so true.

I have found that the first stage of my journey, although I did not realize it at the time, was actually the easiest part of my journey.  Again, note that I didn’t say “easy”, but rather “easiest.”  Easiest of a journey that is difficult at every stage along the way. 

I am proud to say that, during my journey, I have lost 70 pounds.   But, I am prouder to say, that I have maintained that 70 pound loss, within 3 to 4 pounds, for the past 2 ½ years.  That has been the hardest part!

When I first started out, the particular plan I used, was very cut and dry in terms of what I could and could not have … or should and should not have.  I will say that I stayed the course, and I never strayed “outside the box.”   Since it was pre-determined what I could and should be doing, I found it very easy to stay on course, and I continuously, if slowly, lost weight.  

Then along came  maintenance, and what my particular plan calls Phase 2.  This is the part where you start to put things back into your diet from the “real world” of eating.  The “real world” that I’ll call sabotage outright.   Our society is not meant to promote health.  Oh yes, we think we do a great job of promoting health.  All of our food industries have their fat-free, carb-free, calorie-free, sugar-free marketing tools. They market this stuff exquisitely well.  Always with the right verbiage, the pretty packaging, and all the endorsements from the American Heart Association, The Cancer Institute, etc.  But before you are quick to make these choices, first take a good class in label reading, so you can read that label and know exactly what you are putting in your body.  I have been blessed to have my personal trainer and health educator mentor myself and my support group, along the way, with proper label reading. We have found that these so-called “healthy” foods have so much more sodium and additives in order to make them taste better, that “healthy” may go right out the door.  Are all of them bad?  Of course not!  But beware, beware, and choose wisely.  Make an educated choice!

For this particular blog, the topic I really want to discuss and share is the other part of maintenance and ongoing healthy choices.    I have now been on my journey since April 7, 2014.   I am a very social person, enjoying my friends, my social life, and being out and about.   I never realized how much “entertainment by mouth” permeated our social gatherings.   In the early days of my journey, I was quick to say “no, thank you”, bring along healthy choices for myself and others to share, and admittedly my friends knew I was “dieting” as they called it, so they would try to be sensitive.  But their tries often only resulted in questions like, “can you have this?” And then, “You can’t? Why not?”  Then of course, there was always their lesson in what they had read, and why I should be able to eat one thing or the other.  We finally got beyond all that, as I would often say, “that’s great for others.  But not for me right now.”  I think it was finally understood that I was on a particular journey, and I was not going to deviate.

But as maintenance has moved along, and I can incorporate other things within my eating habits, we are slowly getting back to the “sky’s the limit.”   I have found myself having to say “no” too many times, and while I realize I am probably more sensitive than others, I bet all of us along our journey have heard the same comments, and defended the same answers.  I’ll share now, and I’ll also add my personal translation of said comments …

Scene 1 …

Comment:  “There is a group of us going out tonight to a happy hour by the river.  There are drinks and appetizers, and there is a good musical group playing.  We are leaving about 4:30 and will be home about 10:00 or 10:30.  Please come with us.”

Me:  “Thank you so much for the invitation, but I’m going to decline this time.”  Then deciding that I needed to be 100% transparent, so it would not  be interpreted that I wouldn’t enjoy their company, I added, “It’s really hard for me to go to some of these functions and watch others drink and eat, when I really don’t have that in my food plan so much anymore.”

Comment:  “You can go with us and drink water.”

Translation:  Yes,  we are going to a great amusement park.  You can come with us, but you can only look at the rides, but not ride any of them.

Scene 2 …

Comment:  “You can have a piece of this salted caramel cheesecake.  You’ve earned it.”

Me:  “That’s 990 calories!!!”

Comment: “Just exercise it off.”

Translation:  I deserve to eat a piece of cheesecake, that may take me 5 minutes to eat, but then walk for 4 hours and 42 minutes, swim laps for 2 hours and 4 minutes, or do general aerobics for 2 hours and 49 minutes, to try to burn off those calories.

Scene 3 …

A group of us are sitting together and two of us are talking about eating and exercising and a recent Wellness Class that I attended.

Comment:  “How long are you going to go to these classes and keep this up?”

Me:  “I need the support, and I love the information I get from the classes.”

Comment:  “Don’t you know by now what you can and can’t eat?  And, what will make you gain weight?”

Me:  “Well, considering that I ate and lived fairly unhealthy for over 40 years, I think two years into this process is still in the very early stages.  Things don’t become habit overnight.”

Comment:  *silence*

Translation:  This is just another “fad”, we’ll all move onto another discussion in 6 months, and she’ll be trying to lose weight again with yet another “program.”

Scene 4 …

Comment:  “How much more weight do you want to lose?  When are you going to start eating normal again?”

Me:  “I would love to have a few pounds to play with, but I’m thrilled with where I am right now.  This is my new normal, and I don’t see myself ever eating differently.  It’s what I like and what I want to eat.”

Translation:  “Diets” are not sustainable, and we are destined to returning to our previous unhealthy ways, and of course, you will gain your weight back!”

Scene 5 …

A group sitting together, socializing. A table full of snacks, including my contribution of fresh veggies and fruit.

Comment:  “Can you have almonds?  Can you have some of these Pringles, they are low fat?  Can you have some of this dip?  I made it with low fat cream cheese?  These crackers are lower in fat than the regular ones. They are a healthy snack.”

Me: “No thanks, I’m good!  I have been munching on these veggies and this fruit, and I’m actually pretty full.”

Comment:  “Don’t you ever want good stuff again?”

Translation:  The crackers are “healthy.”  They say less fat, but don’t mind the sodium and the fact that they are 200 calories for THIRTEEN crackers.    Thirteen little bitty crackers!!!!!!!!!!!

Scene 6 …

Having dinner with a group. 

Comment:  While looking at my plain baked potato with just a bit of steak sauce on top for flavoring.  “Do you really like that?  Don’t you ever wish you could eat good stuff again?”

Me:  “I love steak sauce on my baked potato.  I ate my potatoes this way even before I was eating healthy.”

Translation:  YOU ARE WEIRD!!!!!!!!

The above are real events.  I will state vehemently that none of these comments were made out of malice, unkindness, or to make me feel bad.  I think they are comments that just really do seem normal, and admittedly was my normal before this journey.   Lifestyles can be changed, habits can be changed, and new habits become new lifestyles.  That’s why I love the quote at my wellness center that reads, “It is not a short term diet.  It is a long term lifestyle change."    The sooner those of us on this journey GET THAT, the easier the new habits become our new lifestyle.

TO HEALTH!!!!!!!!!!!

A Heart Gone ...

I guess it is normal that sometimes it takes years to put words to paper and then others times they flow like Niagara Falls.   I’m suspicious it is all related to the content, the depth of the words, and simply the right timing to capture the thoughts.

This is a journey that starts at age seventeen.   Christmas season of age seventeen.   It’s funny how certain dates are molded into your heart and mind, while other dates get erased before they can even become a memory.  

A few weeks before the holidays, this 17-year-old girl found herself pulling into the Clark Gas Station to get her oil checked.  Were there issues with the car?  Of course not!  There happened to be a 17-year-old, quite handsome, young man that worked at said gas station.   What better way for a young lady to meet someone than to feign possible car trouble?  It was perfectly logical.    Handsome young man checked the oil, and not surprisingly, found absolutely nothing wrong.   But hopefully it was an ice breaker.  However, after a few weeks when there was no change in action, it seemed all was in vain.

The week between Christmas and New Year’s, the young lady excitingly joined other friends from her high school and headed to New York City with a theatre group from another local high school.   Her first time away from home without her parents!   And, to New York City!   Handsome young man was not even thought about.  Oh, the fickleness of a 17-year-old!

Upon returning to the airport from the New York trip, the family was waiting at the gate.  Yes, this is back before all the security issues at the airports when friends and family could actually come directly to the gate, and when you walked off the plane, you could see loved ones smiling and awaiting your return.   Mother, father, sister waiting at the gate … and best friend, best friend’s boyfriend, and handsome young man!  Now that was a happy surprise.

For the next four years, handsome young man and young lady were inseparable. To say that this union changed the course of both of their lives would be an understatement.  Planning their life together, the children they would have, the careers they would choose were normal conversations.  Never, never in the conversations was there any discussion of IF they would marry, it was only WHEN they would marry.  Months turned to years, and years turned into changes as each of them matured.

There seems to be more changes in people from their teen years into their early adulthood years, or so it seemed with handsome young man and young lady.   What was once clear anticipation of a life together, became a question each day, and for some reason, unknown to this day, a drawing apart of their hearts and minds.    When handsome young man stated one evening that he thought he would “go out to California for a while and just hang out”,  young lady decided it was time for a break.  Handsome young man would never have suggested this split, but his actions progressed in a manner that forced young lady to make that suggestion and decision.   Funny how this decision making reared its ugly head many years later as mature adults.

Handsome young man met another lady, shortly after split and probably during if truth were known, and married very quickly.   He moved on with his life with his wife and two daughters, and young lady moved on with her life, friends, career, but no husband, no children.   Young lady acknowledges the feelings she knew she had before with handsome young man, and quite honestly never felt that same puttering with anyone else that came into her life.  Not that there were very many at all that came into her life.

When young lady’s father passed away, handsome young man walked into the funeral home. Their visit time seeing each other in over 12 years.   His comment, “I had to come.  That man offered to put me through college.”   Young lady never knew her father and handsome young man had these discussions.  She did know her father often said, “if I had to hand pick a son, I couldn’t pick one any finer.”  Cordial condolences followed, and handsome young man left the funeral home.

At age forty, handsome young man contacts young lady.   There is a discussion of a potential medical issue with handsome young man, and young lady works in health care.   He pays a visit to the physician she works with, and then chooses to wait in the reception room all afternoon, so he and young lady can have dinner together when her work shift is complete. 

Handsome young man relays the message that he and his wife are separated and getting a divorce.  Young lady responds that she is sorry to hear that they are going through this, and his reply, “that’s OK.  Marriage is not a bad thing, I just married the wrong person many years ago.”   Then when dinner is over, handsome young man states that he has to have a hug.

For the next several years, handsome young man randomly pops up on young lady’s door. Always when there is something “going on” in each other’s lives.  It is uncanny how it is almost intuitive of needing to share a thought, an event, a need.  

Then at age 60 or so, handsome young man and young lady start the new technology of texting.  Handsome young man sends young lady beautiful and tender texts. Texts of memories, texts of kind thoughts, sweet compliments. First text in the morning at 5:30 a.m. wishing her a sweet day, texts at the end of the day wishing her a restful night.   Young lady asks him for dinner, for walks, but he is ever so busy with his grandchildren and children.  Seems there are a lot of issues with family needs, and he is the glue to his family.  Young lady is warmed by this, as she remembers since age seventeen, his tenderness and care for others.   He would often put his time on hold while assisting others.  

The young lady learns that handsome young man is living with someone!   That’s a quick sentence to this story, isn’t it?  Well, it was a quick sentence in real life as well.  Young lady learns that handsome young man has been living with someone for the past twelve years or so.   It is explained to her (not by handsome young man) that the relationship is “not that kind of relationship.”  Living with someone is living with someone.  Young lady realizes that if it is “not that kind of relationship” that there would be no reason for handsome young man to hide this information.   Young lady remembers all the times she tried to give him an opportunity to just tell her what was doing on with him.   It was always the grandchildren and his children.   Young lady realizes that when handsome young man decided to move in with lady, it was during the same times that he was talking with young lady, stopping by young lady’s home, and young lady was more than available for a relationship.

Lies through omission are lies all the same. Young lady was made into the “other woman” under no knowledge of this herself, and young lady knows that she would have never been in that role, if the choice had been hers.  Handsome young man had again made another choice, that forced young lady to make a decision.  History does repeat itself, it so repeats itself.

Handsome young man never said a word to young lady, tried to explain anything, or acknowledged why?    Why the charade?  Why the lies through omission?  Why did he feel the need to go down this road?  Why in their 60’s, this was a necessary path?  He continued to send texts of “good morning”, “happy birthday”, “Merry Christmas”, and young lady never responded.  The hardest thing in her life was to delete those texts with no reply.  Friends have told her that sometimes it is clear why you said goodbye in the first place.  Is it ever really clear?

So for the first time since age seventeen, handsome young man and young lady are no longer parts of each other’s lives.   It is all so strange to know that someone that has been a kindred spirit, a love of your life, a friend, and someone that knew you as well as you knew yourself will never be a part of your life again.   It was always known before, that at some point, some time, there would be communication.  That familiarity that just existed.   That’s gone … it’s gone.  And, so is a part of young lady's heart.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
                                                                                                                          Psalm 139

 

 

Mirrored Reflections ...

A face of no confidence

A face of no self esteem

A face of inappropriate appearance

A face of a sinner

A face of a failure

How these images reflect. Another sees differently … yet the mirror reflects …

Is the mirror a friend of honesty, or a foe of reality?

How can some see so vividly, but the mirror dispel that assumption? 

Truth or perception?  

Words say and tell a story, yet the mirror reflects …

Day by day actions validate, yet the mirror reflects …

Joyful spirits encourage, yet the mirror reflects …

Each day a new hope, this might be the day, and then the mirror reflects …

Victory received, failure perceived, the mirror reflects …

Take it down, turn it around, peer into it and challenge it?

Happy Third Birthday ...

So today is my third healthy birthday!!  Three years ago today, April 7, 2014, I started on my Wellness Journey.  As I have said before, I absolutely refuse to call it the “D” word … Diet !!!!  Never, ever will you hear that word course through my lips. 

It has truly been and continues to be my Wellness Journey!   Our Health Educator asks just about every week, “How long are we doing this?”   The reply is always a resounding, “Forever!!”   In the previous two years, when I’ve spoken of this journey, I have shared information about eating healthy with lean proteins, veggies, fruits, and whole grains.   I have also shared information about PA (physical activity) numbers, Fitbit steps, and exercising my body.    

One blogpost shared my fear of the scale and how difficult it is for me to be accountable to the scale, especially when I have this “magic” number that I want reflected on said scale.   To this end, the scale continues to be a complete brat!  While I’m not cured of this demon, I am much better, and react in a healthier way to my disappointments with the bratty scale.  On a recent evening encounter with the bratty scale, I expressed my disappointment to our Health Educator.   In his wisdom, his response to me was that I set myself up for disappointment.   He reiterated to me that with the success I have had, that I should not “need” the scale to do any particular thing on any particular weigh in.  As long as I am eating healthy, exercising healthy, and living my healthy habits … that should be my goal.    I know this to be true!  While this is still a work in progress for me, I know that the victory is a healthy journey.  There is never an end to the destination, just a continued healthy path.    I know that I continue to live true to my journey.     That elusive number on the scale continues to elude me, but I know that I am doing my part.   I am learning how to quit trying to do it perfectly. Then I can do it joyfully!!

My celebration for my Third Healthy Birthday is to share the non-scale related victories.  One word sums this up the most … FRIENDS!!!   Wow, my special friends.  I have met so many folks along the way, and all have had an impact on me in ways immeasurable.  The friends that I now have, that I would have never known without this journey, are soulmates and have found a spot in my heart, which I have grown to believe, had to have been reserved just for them!  From the one that has mentored us all with his knowledge, insight, and such dear kindness, to everyone that sits in class, shares their stories, and to the incredible women that have been with me since day one, thank you!!  We laugh together, cry together, celebrate victories together, travel together, lunch together, exercise together, walk miles together in road races, and exist daily in each other hearts.  How can that ever be topped?  

It’s odd when I think back over the past 3 years, and I realize that, what rests in my heart today, is sometimes so disconnected yet connected to the actual 70 pound weight loss.   I am often told that I am an inspiration to other.    I’ve never felt that I am worthy of inspiring anyone.   I don’t think I will ever get used to this compliment.   To be honest, it brings me to tears when anyone says this to me.   I have so much joy when I see others follow the same wellness plan, work with our same training group, start to feel better in body, mind, and soul, and form such special friendships.  This is a victory that is God given in every way possible.   The heart speaks to me in ways about this journey, in such a changed manner, with each ongoing year. 

This celebration of my third healthy birthday is a celebration of gratefulness to my friends.   I am blessed beyond reason with your friendship, your amazing impact on my life, and our continued journey together.   You have enriched me in so many ways, and I will be forever grateful.   Your power, determination, motivation, and kindred souls are inspiring in every way possible.  You are strong, so very strong.

So again I say, to all with me on this journey, you know who you are …  you are so greatly loved!

God certainly placed me in the right place, at the right time, with the most incredible people I could ever imagine.    Blessed, so blessed!